I don’t know if it was multiple days of rain, or persistent clouds, or general winter blah, but by the time the sun finally came out today I was not celebrating. Opening shades and windows wasn’t doing it. I was restless, unsettled. I did my study on James, which helped. I did some editing on the novel, which did make me feel like I’d at least accomplished something. I paid a bill and cancelled a couple things that would create bills for next month. But no “real” work came in today. Again. Being self employed is not always easy.
I stood and looked around the apartment and saw all the things that needed done but I couldn’t seem to settle in to get them done. I thought of things I’d like to do, changes I’d like to make, and was tempted to feel discouraged. But I know God is in control and is the very best provider, and I don’t want to grumble or complain. So I told myself to think of things that are true, and honest, and just, and pure, and lovely. . .
Then I noticed the guitar sitting in its stand against the west wall of the apartment. Behind it was the notebook of worship songs MB had given me. I thought, well, I haven’t practiced for a while, maybe I’ll see if the hands are working today.
I was pleased, and a bit surprised, to see I was having no trouble with the chords. Trying to sing along was hilarious, but no one could hear me. (I hope) I went through a few songs, warming up, and then I hit one of my favorites and found myself sitting up straighter and smiling and singing notes that were almost on key.
Then I got to the song. A song I hadn’t played, or even heard, in at least ten years. I started finger picking it, something I’m way out of practice doing, but it was working and something inside of me was stirring. As I sang, the tears started and sometimes the words just couldn’t come out, but I kept on, half laughing at myself, half in awe that God would touch me with a simple little song. It was like an embrace, a reassurance that He knows what I need, when I need it.
“For I was born to be, your dwelling place, a home for the presence of the Lord, so let my heart now be, separated unto thee, that I might be what I was born to be.”